I heard a song on the radio today that reminded me of last night’s message….I can’t even remember all the lyrics or who sang it but one line caught my attention; the line was, “nothing is wasted, nothing is wasted.” The song talked about how with God nothing is wasted; He doesn’t waste our pain, our disappointments, our failures, or our difficult life seasons. He has a plan and works everything out for the good of those who love Him. This truth is so comforting to me right now because even though I know that life is moving forward I still feel stuck in a waiting period and sometimes I wonder when “real life” will begin for me. Sometimes I catch myself saying that out loud in conversation too and it sounds strange to talk as if my life right now isn’t real! Hmmm…..if it’s not real then what is it? I know that what I am living and experiencing is in fact real and is even what God WANTS me to experience and yet somehow I am still waiting for something better to come. It’s as if I am holding my breath in anticipation for dreams to finally come true but the question that has been on my heart lately is….what if I’m waiting for the wrong dreams? Or what if what I’m dreaming about is not what God wants for me? Would I be able and willing to surrender those dreams to accept the plan my heavenly Father has for me, a plan that I know in my heart would be better?
These are such hard questions for me and I can’t figure out why….why is it so hard to trust a loving and perfect God, to put my life in His hands? Don’t I trust Him enough to carry me through life? Don’t I trust Him enough to believe that He only wants what is GOOD for me? As much as I love God and want to honor Him in all I do, the startling answer to these questions has been “no” lately. I have come to realize that I struggle to believe that what God has for me is good so instead I hold onto dreams and think that I can will my life to happen the way I want it to. I struggle to trust that this season of life hasn’t been wasted because in my mind I should have accomplished more by now and should be further along in life. So I ask myself, if this season hasn’t been wasted then what has God done? And when I reflect on my answer to this question my heart just sinks with conviction and remorse because I realize that God has done His most amazing work in my life during these past 4 years! What I now label as the hardest season of my life (and I have been through many difficult seasons) has been a season marked by God’s goodness and faithfulness. He hasn’t just changed outward circumstances by giving riches or material blessings because He knew that this wasn’t what I needed-none of us do. You know it really doesn’t take a lot of improve someone’s standard of living on this earth-a pay raise, a new car, or a better house are enough to make someone feel that life is “better” or that they are more “well off,” however, these things are not indicators of the quality of someone’s life. Only God can give someone a life that is filled with joy, peace, contentment, and love and God knew that when He answered “no” to all of my requests for things, things I thought would make my life easier or more manageable. He knew that what I needed was not more stuff or more money or more security….all I needed was Him and that is exactly what He’s given me.
This season was not a waste and it wasn’t a mistake because God is still a God who redeems everything we go through; He uses EVERY season good and bad to teach, to bless, and ultimately to bring us closer to Him!!! What an amazing day it is to receive a gift like this! I am grateful beyond what this blog can even express-there are no words that can even come close to what God deserves in praise! He is so good and today I am grateful to see my life not from my usual limited perspective but from God’s view and what He sees when He looks at me is a life that has been marked and CHANGED for the better, a life that has been freed through challenges and hardships, yes, but a life that will never be the same because of His redemptive work!